Illuminati CASE STUDY #3: Arnold Schwarzenegger

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Consider if you will the case of a young Austrian emigrant with poor language, social and adaptive skills by the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Perhaps you’ve heard of him, but if you haven’t , don’t worry, you are ineligible to join the ranks of the Illuminati. We have a root in our name for “Illuminated”, meaning knowing or wise. If you haven’t heard of this guy, you are nothing of the sort.

Arnold Schwarzenegger immigrated to the United States at the age of 21, in September of 1968, as a promising, bright-eyed body builder. He was good, but he wasn’t the best. He was on our radar, but in a rare instance of poor foresight, we passed on the opportunity to permit him to join our ranks.

He rose through the ranks of professional body building, winning the Mr. Olympia from 1970 through 1975. Normally, an honor such as this would be hand-selected by us, but it was no contest of interest at the time, so we had no reason to be involved.

He attempted a film career with terrible results, starring in such bombs as Hercules in New York, “The Long Goodbye”, “Happy Anniversary and Goodbye”, and “Stay Hungry”. Then he starred in the surprising hit of 1977 “Pumping Iron”, and with our tail between our legs, we went back and made him a new offer.

His demands were high, and so were ours, and we quickly reached agreeable terms.

In 1980, fully ten years after his first Mr. Olympia title, we threw him in the mix at the last minute (while filming Conan) and gave him another one. Sure, he might not have had the best body for the job, and his age was already catching up with him, but a careful combination of dangerous drug regiments and extorting the judges landed him the top spot by a comfortable margin.

As a C-List actor, he’d languished in the multiplexes without much fame. We connected him with another member of ours who cast him (at his highest salary to date) in an action film that would define his career. The Terminator (1984) wasn’t a great film, but it was pretty good, and with enough contacts in the media world and enough members pretending to have liked it, the buzz became unavoidable, and the film became a runaway success, despite itself.

Film after film we kept increasing his paycheck while forcing our constituents to lavish praise on his films, no matter how terrible, just to continue his rise to the top. Even movies like “The 6th Day” and “Junior” performed stunningly at the box office, forcing unending syndication on television, posturing us for our next move.

At the end of his film career, Arnold Schwarzenegger was commanding $30 million for roles in films like “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines’, even though the steroids we forced upon him, sometimes in his sleep, took a heavy toll on his exceptionally robust constitution.

We waited 14 years for the moment to become exactly right. There were just enough movies on television, just enough numbers in push polls, and we made our move. Unfortunately, this was nowhere near an election, so we had to force Governor Gray Davis out of office in a shocking recall election, but he wasn’t one of ours and we needed his office space.

Obviously the action star and admitted steroid abuser would have been defeated in a traditional election (as it was he still commanded less than 49% of the vote), so we called on every relevant ally we had to artificially load the ballet with obvious non-contenders like former child actor Gary Coleman and adult film star Mary Carey. These candidates were given funding and a renewed place in popular culture in exchange for their vote splitting participation, and all partook as their natural place in this order.

Arnold Schwarzenegger won by a very wide margin, and has since agreed to push every cause we’ve asked of him. Commanding a full quarter of the United States population, he has advocated rampant consumption of fossil fuels with his Hummers and Hot Rods, and even advocated the use of steroids that has made our sports franchise involvements so successful. We even got him to rail against immigration, even though he’s an immigrant himself.

He doesn’t just say he’s a republican, he acts at every step like a republican, even though, as part of his membership in the Illuminati, we required him to marry a Kennedy, and one who is still staunchly democratic at that. Whatever our line, he tows it, and in exchange he gets to be something more than the other Mr. Universe winners from years past. He gets to be extremely famous and supposedly very powerful.

He even had the power to deny Stanly “Tookie” Williams his stay of execution, which was a discretionary measure we allowed him since we’d already published Tookie’s books and got him nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. I won’t go in to details, but suffice it to say it had something to do with minorities, especially since we’ve succeeded in elevating him from minority status.

To be clear, we are not stating in no uncertain terms that Arnold Schwarzenegger is or is not one of our sworn members, but simply pointing out some of the more interesting and unusual possibilities that could have come about as a result of his decision to join us all those years ago.
Arnold Schwarzenegger might me a member of the illuminati possibly

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